How many have you seen this? A party of low level adventurers tear through an Orc village leaving behind dozens of orphans. I know they always say ”It’s not my problem.” or ”We needed the XP.” But what about the children. For only a few copper pieces a day, you can sponsor an Orc child like Gutgnash here. You can make sure that he’s clothed and fed. And just for the cost of few XP per level, you can assure he gets an education and a couple of class levels. So, when a crazed Orc orphan driven by revenge comes looking for blood years later; he’ll actually be worth some XP to you. It’s an invest in all our futures. Won’t you please help?
Oct 252005
Oct 212005
I said Dungeons and Dragons 2: Wrath of the Dragon God would suck and it did. But if you apply game mechanics and player character philosophy this becomes a movie so bad that it is hilarious.
First, we have the hero’s wife. A young mage who is eager to join the Council of Mages. To exhibit her powers to the elder mages, she decides to cast a spell from a divine scroll. This spell is Mend. The explanation is that no one else can cast divine magic. Appears the clerics in the near by Temple of Obad-hai have been telling some white lies. Well, she fails. Of course she could have just taken a level of cleric or poured some skill points into Use Magical Device (as a non-class skill of course). Speaking of classes, we’re not quite sure what class her husband is. My personal opinion is that he has a couple levels of fighter and a couple of aristocrat. After all, he is currently working as the Royal Minister of Water and Sewer or some such other silliness. He could have been a bard since he spends most of the fights yelling orders at the others. We are clear on what the roles of the other characters are more often referred to by their classes rather than their names.
Let us speak of other odd things. A rogue would never talk smack to the barbarian. And let us put forth the point that if the rogue saves the barbarian babe’s life and she says ”I’m forever in your debt.” You do not reply with ”You gave me a dagger so we’re even.” Even if the rogue isn’t after some wild warrior woman nookie, there other reasons to have the barbarian in your debt.
A party of adventures would never run away from a fight. Especially, they would never run away from bandits after killing a dragon. I’m not sure if this was because they were just afraid or what. The Hero decides that he and the rogue should stay safely in rear and figure out the puzzle lock while the Elf Wizard Chick and Barbarian Babe take care of the bandits. Translated roughly, ” We men will figure out this puzzle while you women folk you go fight the ruffians”.
They did have cleric in the party for a while. He died by being the first brave soul to face off with a dragon. He also ended up being freeze dried and then eaten by said dragon. He did manage to turn some undead and he was quite skilled in chopping down trees. With a hammer.
Speaking of undead, did I mention that the hero’s wife is cursed by the main villain. Yes, she is rotting from the inside. She is turning into an undead. The kindly head of the Council of Mages informs her of her sorry fate. He adds, ”At the first sign that you have turned, I’ll incinerate you.”
Speaking of the hero’s wife, she manage to harness the ancient powers of some weird sect. Let’s see it centers around the Four Elements and Nature Worship. So this strange new form of magic that safes the day is druid magic. OK, maybe druids are powerful if they are wielding the Dragon God Zapping Artifact. But other than that…
There are more little asides and notes that you can make on this movie but I want to save some of the fun for you. Sit down with your Player’s Handbook, DMG and Monster Manual and have a laugh that’s all this movie is good for.
Wrath of the Dragon God From Amazon
Oct 122005
Another gaming movie. I’m not talking about turning a game into a movie but a movie about gaming. This is not to be confused with Dead Gentleman Productions The Gamers or The Gamers Second Edition: Dorkness Rising. Gamers: The Movie is a new mockumentary that actually has some actors you may have heard of. Beverly D’Angelo, John Heard, William Katt and Kelly LeBrock. Final editing was finished in September and the film is now on it’s way to indie film festivals. I watched the trailer. I’m thinking a geeky version of Arrested Development meets Spinal Tap.
Gamers: The Movie tells the story of four friends and their 23 year long campaign playing a game called DND (which stands for Demons, Nymphs and Dragons, not what you thought). It’s difficult to write a review based on just trailers but so far I’ve a good track record at picking out the gems and the dogs. This is a gem. From the trailers we see one player arguing with the DL (Dungeon Lord) about finishing off an Orc village. Another announces the retirement of his 38th Level Elf, and apologizes for not being there for his family for the last couple..decades. The grand and pure wizard costume even got non-geeky girlfriend laughing. And Fernando, poor Fernando. He has real talent for his day job which happens to be collecting ”samples” from horses. I’m nat going to give all the jokes away, just go to the site and see the trailer for yourself.
This movie is going to be a cult classic and deserve to have a special space reserved on your shelf as soon as a DVD becomes available. The tag line says so much: The Sacrifice, The Obsession, The Blind Dedication.
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