I rolled so well I could hit Jesus.

A somewhat edited version of what happened during our last D&D session.

NPC: You idiots! I told you not to kill him.
Player Characters: Actually, you said that you preferred that we didn’t kill him.
NPC: (sighs) Were you at least discreet?
PC’s: Yep, we left no witnesses.
NPC holds his head in his hands.
PC’s: Hey what do you expect when hire Evil people.

I feel pretty good. I just lied to something that thought it was a god.

“I wish we had all our shit back.”

No kidding. Somebody did that in my old first edition D&D game. And even worse, they did it in the Tomb of Horrors. There were three Elves in the party. Yuck.